Marilyn Hepburn Judges Cannes

Cannes is a Film Festival? Oh, I thought it was a fashion show. Regardless, I will use my grading scheme to judge these stars on what’s really important.

Rating Key:

* No Admittance

** Standing Room Only

*** Press Pass

****Front Row

*****VIP

Paz Vega

In a blood red, strapless gown, Vega channels the late 1880s pencil silhouette, creating emphasis on all the right curves. With a bare face accented with red lips, Paz passes down the red carpet like a fashion temptress.
Rating: *****VIP


Salma Hayek

Salma wears a sea green Balenciaga dress, ornamented with rhinestone details at the shoulder and hem. Maybe it’s the way the skirt leaves the waist or possibly the ill-fitting top, but this dress wasn’t the best choice for Hayek. Besides, the little mermaid probably wants her fins back. Rating: *No Admittance


Elsa Pataky

Although this looks like a Donatella creation, Elsa Pataky wore a Grecian-inspired Roberto Cavalli gown, accessorized with simple jewelry and male arm candy. This Greek goddess scores high in the Cannes fashion competition.
Rating: ****Front Row

Marilyn Hepburn's Resort Itinerary

Vacationing with Karl and John

So, Karl Lagerfeld and John Galliano just called you to join them as they jet off to the island de jour. You cheerfully accept, but then realize that packing for such a journey will be a nightmare!
Not to worry, Marilyn Hepburn has laid out an outfit for each item on your itinerary.

Friday 9:00 AM – Get Ready for Take-Off
A long plane ride is no excuse to look like a broke biology major in her 3rd year of University. On the other hand, New York mornings can be cold. Battle altitude attitude and weather woes with white Chanel.

Friday 3:00 PM – Hit the Beach
While your jet-setting ensemble was fabulous, you wouldn’t want to be partial to Karl. Turn all 5 of the heads on your private beach with this orange Dior bathing suit. What the hell, throw some jewels on while you’re at it!

Friday 6:00 PM – Fine Dining
Dinner time rolls around and you find yourself in a restaurant full of women in LBDs. While the little black number should be a classic in every woman’s closet, we suggest a special Dior dress for this occasion.

Friday 10:00 PM – Cha-Ching Chanel!
Around 10:00, you and your two designer pals decide to try your luck at the casino. With all of the noise, music, lights, and excitement, you don’t want to blend into the background! Try a sparkling Chanel jacket and accessorize with long necklaces and a faux skinny-tie.

Saturday 9:00 AM – Breakfast and Shopping
Who better to have marmalade and Manolos with than Lagerfeld and Galliano? While Karl may still be dwelling on his ridiculous cactus diet, a bit of shopping cures all. Scope out the strip in pastel Chanel.

Marilyn Hepburn's Cocktail Party

What You Drink and How You Dress

Yes, even what one orders at the bar can indicate what fashions they gravitate toward. Just so you know what to buy your fun-loving friends for their upcoming birthdays, I’ve created a list of designers by their corresponding concoction.

Champagne: Heatherette
If you’re the type of person who immediately glides over to the waiter with the tray of bubbling flukes, there’s a good chance you’re also donning an outrageous mini-dress and equally eye-catching pair of bright heels. Besides, what turns heads faster than a bottle that pops and paired with risqué tops?

Cosmopolitan: Versace
Classic, yet sexy. Slender, bright, and always in style. This pink drink is often ordered by women in bright silk sheath dresses with cinched waists. Their heels often resemble the thin stem of this drink’s stylish glass. While feminine, they’re much stronger than you’d expect.

Pinot Grigio: Michael Kors
Like Michael Kors, a glass of Pinot Grigio is classy, estimable, and always a sophisticated choice. While never out of style, too much of it could make you a little drowsy and tired.

Caipirissima: Gucci
This flashy, but tasteful cocktail is a mix of substance and sugar served in an old-fashioned glass. If you tend to order this rum-based concoction, Gucci’s intoxicating mix of branding and innovation knocks you right off your two-toned patent leather stiletto booties.

The Costume Institute Gala

Marilyn Hepburn Judges “The Oscars of the East”

Rating Key:
* No Admittance
** Standing Room Only
*** Press Pass
****Front Row
*****VIP

Bee Shaffer

Shaffer shows up in a gray Nina Ricci sensation. Her hair is casually swept back, not to take away from the intricate details, fullness, and gradual shading in the dress. Bee keeps all of us fashionistas on cloud nine with the final touch of Fred Leighton jewels.
Rating: *****VIP


Lake Bell

This red and black Balmain electric storm just got Bell’s stylist fired. The combination of her too-tight dress, severe hairstyle, and bandaged ankles makes me glad that lightning rarely strikes the same place twice.
Rating: *No Admittance


Christy Turlington

We already knew Christy was hot stuff, but this Escada dress turns heads faster than a fire truck. The interesting neckline and the fashion-forward flare at the bottom set Turlington apart from your average party-goer.
Rating: ****Front Row


Emmy Rossum

While this flattering Phi dress hugs Rossum in all the right places, something about the look reminds me of junior prom. While prom may have been fun, its not a night to relive when attending the chicest gala of the year. Try something a little more fashion-forward next year, Emmy.
Rating: ***Press Pass